Giving and Receiving Effective Feedback
The most important factor that propels professional relationships to new levels of ease and high performance is the skill of giving and receiving effective feedback.
Studies show that a steady drumbeat of effective feedback is the best way to improve performance and relationships.
Studies also show that managers, in general, are unskilled at giving and receiving feedback.
Managers feel that giving feedback can be a threat to the relationship. And staff typically feel that managers don’t give enough feedback. Surveys show they welcome it and feel supported when it is given skillfully and completely.
The four bad habits of outdated feedback theory include:
It should be given annually or semiannually in some elaborate performance review
It should be limited to certain metrics and milestones that are met or not met
It should be one way – the manager evaluates the line staff, and not in reverse
It should be confidential in the extreme – no one gets line-of-sight into the performance of each team member (except their manager).
More modern thinking suggests just the opposite:
Feedback should be constant and made very simple. The more elaborate the questions, the less dynamic the process. Weekly conversations that assess and evaluate the quality of interpersonal professional relationships dramatically enhances performance and team culture.
This dynamic and immediate feedback should be de-linked from team performance metrics, allowing team performance metrics to be aspirational and aggressive, and the team collectively focused on outputs, with individual performance alongside but not enmeshed.
The conversation should include as much as possible about the relationship. It should include tone, pace, and leadership style (are you someone who needs time to ruminate? Are you someone who thinks out loud? Are you more inclined to care about the quality of the experience rather than the output of the team? Etc.) And it should celebrate difference, outsize aspirations (that sometimes fail), and establish stretch goals that empower and invigorate each team-member’s personal and professional goals.
It should be a multiheaded evaluation, in which information is collected from all team members, managed by an impartial person, and shared skillfully with everyone on the team.
And transparency about each person’s challenges and aspirations, shared skillfully, should be the norm; opaqueness, when it appears, should be unusual.
Rapid, Simple, Effective Feedback
There are many ways to collect rapid, simple, effective feedback.
For example:
At the end of each communication or transaction of any kind, simply ask:
Feedback is welcome – how did that go? What should I (we) be doing more of? Less of? What might we do next time?
Always share any results with the rest of the team, and check for agreement.
When sending out the meeting results, always ask, “How did that meeting go? What might we do to make it better?”
Always share the results of these quick surveys and then check for agreement with the rest of the team.
In your one-on-ones, include this script (shared in a note in advance of the conversation):
Let’s spend a few minutes checking in on the quality of our collaboration. I will take a few minutes and answer these three questions:
What it is like for me to work with you, including:
the things I appreciate and believe add value to our work, and
the things I’d like to see done differently
my thoughts on how we might take this relationship to the next level
what I will do to make that upgrade real, and soon.
And then I’d like you do the same for me, and then we can compare notes immediately and see what we can do to meet each other at a higher level of performance.
Case Study
Laura and Ellen launched a startup to sell fashion socks primarily through partnerships and marketing through social media. A small and devoted group of buyers emerged quickly, and the company grew.
A part-time team with varying stakes in the company emerged that worked on manufacturing, marketing, and delivery.
Laura and Ellen quickly discovered that the obligations that their growth incurred were stressing out the team and that miscues and misunderstandings were hampering performance.
The cofounders put their heads together and developed a plan to layer in, as rapidly as possible, rapid feedback to enhance performance.
The plan included the following:
Writing and placing wording that invited feedback in internal emails, slacks, and other forms of communication.
The creation of a feedback script adapted for the company's specifics.
To be used in one-on-ones weekly.
Development of a web-based 360-degree survey instrument that allowed quick, anonymous feedback from all team members to each team member.
Ellen took charge of being the “data manager” and trained herself on how to collect, anonymize, and deliver feedback to team members, and also familiarized herself with the basics of leadership coaching. She took these actions:
She sent an announcement to the team, backed with some data and recommendations from credible sources, that outlined how a new level of feedback would enhance the company's prospects.
She promised to review the effectiveness of the new feedback strategy every month.
After collecting feedback from the team on the process, Ellen distributed a short 360 that included only six questions. It was prefaced by a careful review of the purpose, outcome, and process of an anonymized rapid 360.
Over the ensuing week, she collected responses to the six questions for each of the five members of her team and led coaching conversations based on the feedback.
And in each of their one-on-ones, each team member followed the script above.
The first conversation Laura had with her marketing maven (Terry) went like this:
Laura: “Thanks, Terry, for taking the time. I’m aware this is a new thing for us, but I have some confidence that it will make a difference. And as you know will be checking in in a month with the group to see if it’s working.
Terry: “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”
Laura: “Okay, I am working from the script. Here’s what it’s like to work with you. First, I greatly appreciate your enthusiasm for everything related to the company. When you walk into the room, it lights up. That’s important to everyone’s energy for our work, particularly when things are not going perfectly. Your energy supports us in getting things done.
I look forward to more of that, and also, perhaps you can teach me how I can learn to be as positive as you are.
I also am delighted with your work. Whenever there’s a new channel I’ve never heard of, you have already explored the opportunity it might present for marketing our stuff. And you come up quickly with a plan that you share with the group at our weekly standup meeting, and the plans seem credible and opportunistic. Everyone walks away excited.
But I need your help with something else. Sometimes I think your confidence can be somewhat overwhelming. I fear that when someone has a different view on how things might go, you dismiss it rather than be curious. I noticed at our last stand-up you appeared to dismiss some of the concerns that Laura shared about the text of that email. The problem there is that I really think the best decisions emerge from a place where productive conflict can occur, where disagreements are channeled and explored skillfully. I hate to see a good idea get squelched by you inadvertently shutting down an opportunity to think something through. And I want the company to learn how to disagree productively.
What I’d like to do to manage this is, first, to share my concern with you. And hope that you can keep an eye on it. Secondly, I may need to say something at the next standup if you inadvertently steer the conversation away from an exploration. I trust that you won’t mind if I do that. I’ll say something like, ‘let’s remember to explore all things before rushing by them, Terry, as we discussed on the phone the other day.’ I hope you’ll say, ‘oh yes, sorry about that. I’m all in.’
That’s all I’ve got, Terry, I’m delighted with our collaboration, and I aim to make us a successful company.”
Terry: “Okay, thanks, Laura. I will think about all that. Let me try to do the same for you. Following the script, first, I do feel like you value my contribution. I know that when I speak, you and the rest of the team listen, and that trust and confidence makes me want to work. I find myself going the extra mile because I know that makes a difference on the team, and I like having an impact on the world. Whatever I’m doing.
Also, I’ve noticed that when the team is moving fast and there’s confusion, you back me up. You often make a point of referring to something that I said and did and reinforcing it with the group. That helps me when I’m not with you, and I’m trying to move some of the people and the pieces down the field. I would love you to keep doing that.
As for upgrades, I know it’s a lot to ask, but I think the team needs more of your attention. I can’t figure out a solution right now, but I’m noticing that when you and Ellen are on the road, or pitching the company, or otherwise distracted, the rest of us can feel somewhat rudderless. Maybe there’s some solution, like having a deputy CEO or something. Or maybe there’s another solution that I’m not thinking of. I’d love to brainstorm how to have you and Ellen be present, even when you’re not.
I’m willing to think about that and even raise it with the entire group to ensure they see it the same way I am. Then perhaps we can regroup on our one-and-one and see if there’s an obvious solution.
I think that's all I’ve got, and thanks for your commitment to this process.”